Why growing up without Facebook was a gift

March 4, 2015

As a child of the 1980s and 1990s, I had to suffer the awful clothes (cycling shorts, tie-dye T-shirts, bum bags – often worn all at once), the fake food (Findus Crispy Pancakes, Alphabites, microwaveable French-bread pizzas), and the cheesy films (OK, I’ll admit there are some classics from these decades). But I will be forever grateful for the fact that growing up in the Eighties and Nineties allowed me to become fully emotionally developed before the advent of the internet – and, specifically, Facebook.


I’m not a Facebook-denier – I think it’s great for sharing pictures, passing the time while waiting for the bus, or keeping in touch with old friends who have, to all intents and purposes, fallen by the wayside, but whom it is nice to check up on once in a while (normally when a deadline looms). It also became a valued portal to the outside world when I was a new mum, as well as my main source of entertainment when breastfeeding Oscar.

But I’m SO relieved – on an almost daily basis – that none of the opinions, petty arguments and lust-objects of my teenage years were documented on an unforgiving public timeline, or that the dramas and embarrassments of my university era were easily accessible to absolutely everybody I knew at the time – let alone to future employers, mates, in-laws, and children.

Why growing up without Facebook was a gift

The fact that I honestly believed at one stage of my adolescence that I would end up marrying Leonardo di Caprio made for an amusing anecdote at my wedding; had I been able to share this belief with the world at the time, I’d probably have invited hate-mail from equally deluded rivals. And the ability to ‘Like’ Leo’s page – direct contact! – would have proved way too much.

Likewise, thank God I was unable to Facebook-stalk the boy who I obsessed about from playschool until puberty; by the time social media arrived, I had finally gained some perspective.

I am also grateful to have been able to discover, advocate and then forget the concept of existentialism without having at any time written, ‘Nicky is… trying to appear intellectual by telling everyone she meets that she is an existentialist’, ‘Nicky is… convinced that life has no meaning outside of itself’, or similar, on my Wall.

There is no denying that the private grievances and mini melodramas that affected my school friends and I would have been exacerbated by the glare of social media, had it existed. In the event, a bout of good old bitching, a spell of silent treatment, or a hair-rending, chest-beating heart-to-heart usually sorted out any disagreements, and we remain the firmest of life-long friends.

The pain of my first broken heart was documented in confused, angst-ridden, hyperbolic letters (yes, letters) to my ex and played out over a series of alcohol-fuelled breakdowns and disastrous rebounds – but thankfully, Facebook hadn’t been invented yet, so I couldn’t inflict any more misery on myself virtually (and he couldn’t upload any embarrassing evidence of my missives). The break-up actually coincided with my first forays into social media, but luckily the worst online humiliation I endured was entering a chat-room and seeing my soon-to-be ex immediately check out (or make himself invisible). I thank my lucky stars that the rest was allowed to happen off-grid, remembered only by the main protagonists and my long-suffering friends and housemates.

And man, am I relieved that Facebook wasn’t around to aid my search for a pink-haired Essex boy I snogged on an 18-30s holiday in Magaluf. The poor guy got the shock of his life when I called his house out of the blue, having phoned the travel company he’d booked with, obtained the number of the main contact of his booking (his brother’s friend), and badgered him for the guy’s number. All I wanted to do was say hi. And possibly start up a long-distance relationship. OK, it was a crazy move – but at least it was a privately crazy move.

I’m so glad that I was able to weather all these storms without the extra stress of having to sweep the web for embarrassing photos of myself either drunk, or in tears, or both; having to delete, make excuses for or take online ownership of misguided opinions or barbed comments; or having to dedicate hours to stalking former or potential love interests – and their love interests. For the teens of today, managing one’s brand on social media is a huge investment in terms of time and energy. Being 33, I can take or leave Facebook and the rest – and I’m so thankful for that gift.

Is Facebook an integral part of your life or something you can live without?Β  What have been your most embarrassing events never documented on Facebook?

P.S. – 10 things I’ve learnt since turning 30, the ultimate karaoke playlist, and Nicky’s first taking-it-seriously selfie (aged 33).

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    Reply Charlotte March 4, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    LOVE this post Nicky. All so very true – and I’m very glad to see a photo of THAT red top again…

    • Reply Nicky March 4, 2015 at 1:27 pm

      Ha ha, I thought of you when I dug it out! What a stunner. Thanks for commenting! x

    Reply Rosie March 4, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    Oh Nicky at first I read the title as Why Growing Up WITH Facebook Was A Gift and I took a double take!! I absolutely, 100% agree with you. I can only imagine how embarrassing I’d have been if I had Facebook when I was 15. I’m not saying I’m not embarrassing on it now, but at least I have perspective LOL!
    Great post! πŸ™‚
    Rosie xo

    • Reply Nicky March 5, 2015 at 7:56 pm

      Ha ha – that would be a gift I would take back! Am definitely with you on the perspective and wisdom old age brings πŸ˜‰ Thanks for commenting!

    Reply Ryan March 5, 2015 at 9:50 am

    Hey Nicky

    Well, Facebook led me got this post so it has its uses but I totally agree with you. I want to make sure my children don’t know of its existence for as long as possible. Of course that means I’ll have to stop checking my feed every spare minute of the day (which I hate myself for – I’m such a Facebook junkie!)

    University (and especially University House) would have been a nightmare if we had Facebook then!

    Love the blog.

    • Reply Nicky March 5, 2015 at 7:55 pm

      Ryan! Long time – and I tell you what Facebook is GREAT for – not losing touch with old friends. I am following you and Sally (in a non-stalkerish way), glad to see life treating you all well! Thanks for the comment, and I agree that I would NOT have been able to leave my room at University House some mornings had Facebook been around! Love to all xx (PS – our kids will probably be into something we can’t even imagine in the future… social media on steroids…)

    Reply jenny March 17, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    Brilliant Nicky!!! I am so very grateful there wasn’t facebook. I remember myspace only came out when I graduated school so I just missed all the embarrassing photos and moments shared. lol Thank you so much for linky up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    • Reply Nicky March 23, 2015 at 7:27 pm

      Thanks for your comment Jenny! We both dodged a virtual bullet, ha ha πŸ™‚

    Reply Becky (@EducatingR) January 1, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    Totally agree. It makes me sad that my son will not know a world without social media and I shall be watching his profile closely – ha ha ha!

    • Reply Nicky January 3, 2016 at 9:08 pm

      I know – there are so many things that seemed so normal when I was growing up that I can imagine having to explain patiently to my (bored) grandchildren! I might even write a post about it πŸ˜‰ x

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